A case for overcoming obstacles when parenting during separation.

Over the years I have come to find that parents and people, in general, limit their own growth and their capacity to do great things in the world when they focus on their conflict, negativity and things that drain their energy. Their ability to do great things is limited by their thoughts and assumptions about what is possible. By the way, when I say great things, I don’t mean changing the world like Gandhi, Martin Luther-King or Mother Theresa, although that would be awesome if you did. Great things are often times the little things that we do every day (by-the-way, little things do change the world), it can be the support we lend to those around us so that they can find their way. Great things can simply be the peace we walk into each room with that causes others to feel calm when we are in the room, that is no easy feat I assure you, especially when we are not particularly fond of the room or those in it.

The more I live on this planet I am coming to understand that greatness is the nurse at RVH. The nurse that treats you with great compassion and kindness and is patient with you and act as your strongest advocate when the doctor is not quite as familiar with you. We met such a nurse on a golf course when golfing to raise funds for Gilda’s club, recently. Thank you Melanie, for being the amazing person you are, please don’t ever change.

In the transformative parenting program, we teach parents tools and strategies for overcoming obstacles so that their children can achieve their greatness. These tools and strategies are not easy, and they are most certainly not for the faint of heart. They are for the parents who are truly ready to do the hard work and want to model for their children how to attain a better life and how to grow from adversity. They are for the parents who truly make lemonade out of lemons. Let’s face it the child who knows how to do just that will excel in this life. I once represented a child in our child protection system, who when I said, “it must be difficult changing schools as often as you have” his response, “it is not difficult at all Joanna, I get to meet new people and make new friends all the time, it really is fun.” He was demonstrating to me that it matters not what your circumstances are, it matters how you perceive them. As parents, it is our job to guide our children and prepare them for life and the hardships that may come with it. We ought to show them how to make lemonade out of lemons.

For many of us, we are so busy surviving and focusing on things that do not serve us, that we forget our role as guides to our children. In fact, many of us are so in need of guidance ourselves we do not know how to guide others and when we do, we guide them down the very path we have taken, the one that did not serve us. What we end up modelling for our children is how to be victims, how to be mediocre at best and how to allow the world outside of us to manage our emotions and actions. We model for them, fear and hardship. We tell them in our actions that they have no control over their lives and that the world is unsafe and one should always be hypervigilant and anxious about what’s to come. Let’s face it, those reactions to the world will never open the door to joy and happiness. Those reactions to the world will only bring more fear and hardship.

Over the next few weeks, we will post at least one mediation strategy on how you can model for your children steps to allow them to step into their greatness. I will caution you, your children will not be able to step into their greatness, if you do not step into yours, at least not without great hardships of their own, I am living proof of that.